The Expat Christmas

I can’t count how many Christmases I’ve spent away from loved ones, it’s been too many.  Being away from family can really suck from time to time, and the holidays is definitely a time when it sucks bad.

Before I moved abroad, Christmases were very predictable, but in the best possible way. I went to my grandparents’ every year, we would go to one set of grandparents then the other, venturing through the city of Rio in the small hours. Christmas in my family was a huge party, where my uncles would barbecue all night and and the sound of Brazilian music played and played, it was the most of fun I could think of having: Christmas, samba, the heat of high summer. Fast forward to 1991 and I spend my first Christmas in the Northern hemisphere, in the cold of the city of York, England, life doesn’t get more depressing than that. I remember a visceral feeling that first Christmas, I literally felt betrayed, what was the point in being there, real life was happening elsewhere. In the years since, I have spent some Christmases back at home, even back with my grandparents, long gone now, but there has never been that feeling of utter contentment I used to get as a child, I’m sure this has less to do with what hemisphere I’m in and more to do with becoming the one who organises, buys the presents, and cooks a big meal.

Christmas over the last decades as an expat has been a much celebrated event, we created our own traditions and built our own families. While in England, the first Christmas may have been depressing, but soon after we had build our own little community and had something close to a real party the other years. We made friends during that period, that we still know and spend time with today, we travelled, we saw different traditions and we learned to enjoy Christmas away from home. Now that I’m divorced, adding an extra layer of complication to the Christmas celebrations, I really appreciate the time I get with my children, it’s either Christmas or New Year, depending on what it was the previous year. The only element that is, and always will be missing from these holidays is the massive family celebration, which is something that isn’t even a reality for the family back at home anymore, as their numbers are diminishing and mobility is an issue for the older members. I’ve had to learn to spend my Christmas in a small, but close group of loved ones, without the heat of summer, but again, maybe this is more to do with getting older than being an expat.

Life will happen, we will age and lose family members, but will we do it while living in the next town from where we were born, or getting to see and know the world? The adventures I’ve had, the things I’ve seen and the friends I’ve made, all added up, yes, they do fare very well when it comes to imagining what it would be like if I had just stayed in Rio and never left. There is not one scenario where I think it would have been better to have lived a different life, being an expat has brought me so much more than it has taken from me. I would have it no other way. Even if it sucks that I’m not in the tropical heat this Christmas.