It’s not easy being “other”, being the one who does not belong. But what is an expat life if not exactly that? When we leave our country in the hopes of making a new life somewhere else, we must also understand that the people who live in this place, whose lives have been spent there, might like things the way they are and not want to feel “invaded” by our presence.
Are you welcome?
It’s amazing how many expats never consider the possibility that they might not be a welcome addition to the landscape in their chosen country. Sure you can afford it, sure you’re paying taxes (or not in a lot of cases), but it does not go without saying that you’ll be welcomed with open arms, and why should you? You eat different food, you talk a different language, you probably dress very differently, so why are your customs acceptable, when the opposite might not be true? In the same way that you find everything around you new and exotic, you are new and exotic to the locals, and it’s important to understand this. Of course there is a fine line between finding you different and being racist towards you, and you should never put up with and will hopefully never experience racism, but be prepared for the possibility. Expats are not automatically entitled to the space they claim to occupy and should thread with care.
People of colour have to endure racism and do so on an almost daily basis, but white expats who land somewhere, even if they all of a sudden realise they are not all that welcome, are still on top of the food chain and will not elicit a lot sympathy for their tales of racist woes. Arriving in a country when you have a much higher income than the average, expecting standards that have nothing to do with the local culture and bitching about it to your friends back at home, is not the best example of expat behaviour.
Accept and surrender
Accept the fact that you are not necessarily the wonderful addition and asset to the community you thought you would be, and work to maybe become it. Embrace the fact that you may always and forever be an outsider, that no matter how well you learn the local language you will never be a native speaker, your accent will give you away 10, 15, 20 years from now. I’ve lived in 4 counties and moved to the last one, Italy, 9 years ago. I’m currently taking a course in counselling, it’s 100% in Italian, and although my classmates are very nice, some of the teachers seem puzzled by me or my “otherness”. I’ve had to put up with comments like “have you visited the Boboli Gardens?” and “Danielle may find it hard to understand these concepts as she might not know Italian well enough”, I mean if you think I won’t understand something, why not let me know I can ask should I have any doubts, not just profess to the class how incapable you think I am? I always keep quiet in the face of blatant stupidity like this, I could give a great response such as “I speak 4 latin languages, finding an Italian word I don’t understand will not be easy, anyway, how many languages do you speak again?”, but why? The blood pressure spike of entering what could potentially be an argument with a tutor is not worth the effort, and I want good grades at the end of the day. Learning to let go, and to let people sit in their ignorance about you and what you’re capable of, without correcting them, is a skill I only learned as an expat. Letting go of the need to show you’re just as good, just as skilled and capable, who cares? If your life experience is limited enough so that you think that your language delivered with a foreign accent is a sign of inferiority, I won’t be the one to educate you, knock yourself out!
Be the change!
Having said that, we must be the change we want too see, right? We must embrace and celebrate the sound of our language spoken with an accent, we must learn that a different culture and customs do not mean an inferior culture or customs, that yes we can see a lot wrong with our new country and wish we could teach Italians how to drive on a roundabout, but that will not happen anytime soon, so live with and celebrate the fact that it’s different, but not necessarily worse.
Be other, be different and authentically so, but be respectful and understand you are in someone else’s home, be the asset you assumed you would be by just existing, make the extra effort and go the extra mile to be accepted in your new, chosen society. Accept and take on the change this will bring to you and your outlook on life, and enjoy how enriched you will become by letting go of the rigidity of your old beliefs. Take the step from expat to immigrant if you dare, commit to the change, become one of them.
